Thanksgiving 2017

**This was supposed to be posted before Thanksgiving... clearly I'm bad at finishing my posts.... but I'll post what I wrote..**

I'm thankful for finally getting to a place in my life where I feel at peace at how I've gotten here.

With my birthday being the week after Thanksgiving (November 30th) it just seems like the years just keep going by faster and faster. I can't believe I'm turning 26 in a few days.. I feel like I've definitely grown up in the last few years.. who I was over 5 years ago just seems like another life ago.. I say "life ago" because it doesn't seem like I had been living that life.

My life has changed.. I have changed, all in a good way. In reflecting who I used to be it's weird to think about exactly what had prompted me for all of this change..  then I have to remember that everything happens for a reason.

I've become more independent then I thought I'd ever be.

-Lisa Marie Lim

Recap 7 days

I can't believe that it is already mid-November. The days are going by so fast and the list of things I need to get done just keep piling up. I feel like I'm crossing 1 thing off my list to be adding 2 more. But that's life for you.. it's not supposed to be easy. Obstacles get put in our way to keep things interesting. 

In the moments when we feel lost is when we find ourselves making the most growth. 

I get those moments when things feel cloudy and when I start to doubt my life decisions I constantly have to remind myself to count my blessings. I have to remind myself that each mistake and each downfall happened for a reason. If I didn't go through my past I wouldn't get to meet the person I am today.

Keep fighting. 

-Lisa Marie Lim 

Co-dependency.

Think back to the first glance, the first hang out, the first touch, the first kiss. 

Everything becomes new and exciting.. then as the days go by, it then turns to months and then to years. Then things start to become a routine. You begin to share your interest and then it molds to our interest. You begin to find our spots and our inside jokes. Someone you once new as a complete stranger has all of a sudden plays an important role in your life. 

Calvin and I have been together for 15 months. We only knew each other for  few months before we decided to start dating.. soo we really didn't know each other for that long before we decided to be become an item. I mean, I'm still learning things about him and his life before we met. We always spends the weekends together.. in 15 months that's a lot of weekends to be together.. well the whole point of this blog was because I'm totally being one of those cry baby girlfriends are are missing their boyfriend. He left to Hong Kong this morning to visit his parents (He'll be there for 3 weeks) I know it's not that long tho.. only 3 weekends, but that's 3 weekends I have to figure out what to do on my own. He's not only my boyfriend but he's my eating partner! (>.<") He went there last year for the same amount of time but back then we were only together for a few months so him leaving didn't make such a disruption in my everyday flow. 

We met during a time when I had just picked myself up from feeling completely broken from my health (having pneumonia) to losing fake friendships, and figuring out my career. But we met after all of that when I felt like I had finally figured out who I am and who I am striving to be. Then again I was doubting that after all my issues with trusting people should I really be starting something new... with this stranger.. but he ended being that something new that I really needed in my life.. as corny as it sounds but since then it's hard to imagine making plans without him.. 

We aren't perfect tho.. we've had our plenty of fights and doubt.. but really at the end of the day we would rather be fighting it through together then to not have each other in our lives. I guess once you begin to fall in love with someone and you say those words - there's no taking it back. I've grown to be really grateful for him to coming into my life the way he did and for the timing. I wonder what it would be like if we had met sooner.. but back then I was completely different person.. we probably would've end up how we are today.

Timing is everything. We had to go through what we needed to be to become this version of ourselves today in order to work out. I truly believe that. Wow as I'm writing this.. I'm really missing him.. it hasn't even been a day!! Calvin's been on his flight to Korea for 6 hours now.. 11 hour flight total and then from Korea to Hong Kong. I'm going to try to go to bed early and check my phone right when I wake up for his text (^.^)

-Lisa Marie Lim 

P.S. I'm really going to take advantage of this me time to write some more blogs and hope that this helps my anxiety. Calvin is my person who helps calm me and with him being gone I told myself I really have to try and not be so dependent on him :( 

Trying.

I am trying. 

I am trying to collect my thoughts.

I am trying to be "put together". 

I am trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. 

I keep going back and forth... 

I need to just stop.

I need to keep remembering that I am here, living.. for me. 

That at the end of the day I am in control of my own happiness. 

I am the one that has to live with my decisions, day by day. 

If I'm not happy, I have to change it.

People are entitled to their own opinions but don't let their opinions dictate how you live. You make your happiness.

-Lisa Marie Lim 

Getting better

Do you ever feel like you're doing everything you can to be the best version of yourself? To keep fighting to be that person.

Do you remember your lowest point in life and you just pray and hope to never have to meet that again?

-Lisa Marie Lim

(unfinished thoughts.. to still post)

Consistency

It's been a week since my last post, I've been wanting to be more consistent in my blogging but by the time I get home from work I'm far too tired to even collect my thoughts, seems like blogging at the end of the week is a good idea right? I can unwind and let go and re-evaluate my week. I'll get better at this.

I wish I could be one of those people that can just express themselves smoothly, I stumble over my words and take too long to think of anything remotely eloquent to say.. I'm getting better at speaking out loud but at the same time when I do speak out I wonder if it's better to keep my mouth shut. -sigh-

My thoughts are already becoming blurry and I want to fall asleep. 40+ hour work weeks are so tiring but at least I have the weekends off to recuperate. 

Tomorrow I have to wake up early to do a charity heart walk with my coworkers at the Seattle Space Needle. I always gotta be that person that volunteers and do things on the weekend when all I wanna do is sleep in. Better to get up and get out there right? Cant just hide away.

-Lisa Marie Lim

Helloooooo

Where do I even start?.. It's been at least 5 years since I've last blogged.. simply because I just stopped writing.. I stopped taking the time to pause from life and evaluate what is going on in my life. It's weird to think about it now that I'm 25, I remember in 7th grade wanting to become a journalist.. (update: I work as a Medical Assistant, I know right. Totally different career choice). It wasn't easy getting to where I am today. I kinda wish I did write about it because as I've rediscovered my old blogs and reading what the teenage version of me wrote, I grew up soo much. And I'm sorry to the younger version of myself because I'll admit that 3 years ago I had completely let myself down.. I felt like I was hitting rock bottom, I was really lost, really sad, and really broken all because I let so many toxic things break me. I stopped loving myself and stopped believing in myself.. I'll probably end up writing about significant events later on in another blog. Right now I just want to try to get used to writing my thoughts out.

Writing is therapeutic.

I'm hoping by doing this I am able to truly let go of what has really hurt me, what has made me so shielded. But most of all I want to share my story, whether any one reads this blog, or it's just way for me to give future me reading this some kind of hope..

Blogging has become my open diary, I don't want to filter what I say but at the same time I do because I'm scared of what other's will think or I don't want to feel ashamed of my past.. "my past has made me who I am". I'm not going to hide from it. Like I said earlier it's time for me to let go.. and really just live on. With the on going tragedies that are happening in this world, I owe it to myself to live with purpose.. purpose for each day.

-Lisa Marie Lim