How did 3 weeks already go by? I swear I just started this journey. Does time go by faster when you start to feel better?
Overall how do I feel? I feel more in control. I feel like my anxiety doesn't have to take over. I started to realize I was getting anxious over.. well.. to simply put it.. nothing.
It's like in week 5 brain hit a switch. I didn't realize how compulsive and how silly some of the things I did. Monday was my follow up appointment with my primary care to discuss how I am responding to the medications. It told her that I let the laundry sit for a day before folding it and putting things away.. the world didn't end.
I have mini panic attacks, nothing that I can just breath through. I don't feel like the world is caving in so much.
Music sounds different.. my own voice sounds different but in a good way. I mentioned this to Alesha and she said it can mean that I'm more alert, more aware.
Fast forward to life updates:
Traded my scion to get the lexus from my mom so she could use the scion to get her new mercedes. Yesterday I got in a car accident, a women rear ended me at a stop and then from that impact I hit the car in front of me. I was so in shock "like did that really happened?!"I have neck pain and left should pain now. I spent hours this morning with insurance companies.. I'm taking 2 days off work now to deal with all this.
I'm overwhelmed with the amount of people who reached out to check in on me.. why did I ever feel so alone. In the last year I was having a hard time opening myself up to people, I realized I was just opening up to the wrong people.
I'm finding a better balance. I know I'm doing better when I communicate better and I'm not hiding away. It's nice to feel reliable and to know that I will and can follow through.
Recovery is a long and fighting process.
-Lisa Marie Lim
(I will get better at updating)
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Monday, June 3, 2019
3 day update
Friday May 31'st - I've mentioned before how my work is so short staffed. Pretty much got off work, Calvin got us mexican food for dinner.. I was fell asleep at around 9, I felt so drained out. I think this is from work. I took my anti-anxiety the night before and then I took it again this night to help me get some good sleep.
Saturday June 1st - Did hot yoga. Had a different instructor this day. I usually like Monica's class. Her yoga practice more zen yoga. The instructor we had this day kicked my ass. I try to only take up to 3 breaks this class I just wanted to lay down and take a nap. Saw a few new poses I wanted to try to get.
Then we decided to have a bbq dinner with steak, wings and veggies. I love having dinner with Calvin, Eric, and Alesha. We are like little family in this townhouse which makes this place feel even cozier.
Sunday June 2nd - super lazy day for me. I told Calvin I didn't want to leave the house today.. I realized I needed a fan.. it's way too hot. Go out to my car and saw that there was so many bird poops! It was like my car was a target for them... ha I went to target to buy a fan, got gas and a car wash.. this is a lot for some one like me to do by myself on a Sunday.
Calvin said he was happy to hear that I got out of the house, even if it meant to do just a few things. There are just somethings that I feel drain my energy. Calvin is an extrovert and I'm grateful to have a significant other like him to confide him in what I'm feeling.. so I always have to remind myself I am not alone.
Today - felt a bit dazed this morning. I haven't felt that way in a few days. It's the beginning of week 3 of this. Do I notice much of a difference? Meh.. kinda? I get spurts of moments where I feel good and then at the end I feel so tired. Could be my work load? A lot of factors to all of this.
Today was the first time I felt like I can breathe.. weird to say. But you know that feeling when you take a breath and all of sudden you're like "was I holding my breathe this entire time?" I get that a lot.. today I felt a calmness in my breathing. Didn't feel too anxious today.
I came home and took a 1 mile run. My mile time sucks but at least I'm running again. I just need to make it more of a habit. I'm grateful that the neighborhood we moved into feels safe to run around. I don't run with my phone or headphones in, I like to hear the sound of my foot on the pavement, heart my breathing, and cars driving by.
It makes me more mindful of my surroundings by doing this.
Ok, no more going longer than 3 days of blogging. I really really really tried to on Friday but my brain felt so fried like it was done for the work week and needed to be shut down.
I really want to use this blog as a tool to help me destress, track my mood but most importantly as something to look back on days when I am really struggling to see how far I've come.
My period is supposed to start any day now.. I just remember my last cycle being the worst and how heavy things had felt. My symptoms of PMDD didn't hit me so hard this time. I mean I feel bloated but that's normal for me.
Still waiting on making an appointment to see a therapist.. but so far I feel like I'm doing ok and my inner circle and family are what's really keeping me going and not hiding away.
-Lisa Marie Lim
Saturday June 1st - Did hot yoga. Had a different instructor this day. I usually like Monica's class. Her yoga practice more zen yoga. The instructor we had this day kicked my ass. I try to only take up to 3 breaks this class I just wanted to lay down and take a nap. Saw a few new poses I wanted to try to get.
Then we decided to have a bbq dinner with steak, wings and veggies. I love having dinner with Calvin, Eric, and Alesha. We are like little family in this townhouse which makes this place feel even cozier.
Sunday June 2nd - super lazy day for me. I told Calvin I didn't want to leave the house today.. I realized I needed a fan.. it's way too hot. Go out to my car and saw that there was so many bird poops! It was like my car was a target for them... ha I went to target to buy a fan, got gas and a car wash.. this is a lot for some one like me to do by myself on a Sunday.
Calvin said he was happy to hear that I got out of the house, even if it meant to do just a few things. There are just somethings that I feel drain my energy. Calvin is an extrovert and I'm grateful to have a significant other like him to confide him in what I'm feeling.. so I always have to remind myself I am not alone.
Today - felt a bit dazed this morning. I haven't felt that way in a few days. It's the beginning of week 3 of this. Do I notice much of a difference? Meh.. kinda? I get spurts of moments where I feel good and then at the end I feel so tired. Could be my work load? A lot of factors to all of this.
Today was the first time I felt like I can breathe.. weird to say. But you know that feeling when you take a breath and all of sudden you're like "was I holding my breathe this entire time?" I get that a lot.. today I felt a calmness in my breathing. Didn't feel too anxious today.
I came home and took a 1 mile run. My mile time sucks but at least I'm running again. I just need to make it more of a habit. I'm grateful that the neighborhood we moved into feels safe to run around. I don't run with my phone or headphones in, I like to hear the sound of my foot on the pavement, heart my breathing, and cars driving by.
It makes me more mindful of my surroundings by doing this.
Ok, no more going longer than 3 days of blogging. I really really really tried to on Friday but my brain felt so fried like it was done for the work week and needed to be shut down.
I really want to use this blog as a tool to help me destress, track my mood but most importantly as something to look back on days when I am really struggling to see how far I've come.
My period is supposed to start any day now.. I just remember my last cycle being the worst and how heavy things had felt. My symptoms of PMDD didn't hit me so hard this time. I mean I feel bloated but that's normal for me.
Still waiting on making an appointment to see a therapist.. but so far I feel like I'm doing ok and my inner circle and family are what's really keeping me going and not hiding away.
-Lisa Marie Lim
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