2 month update

... and now my summer is over. I blogged a little about the car accident that happened.. I feel like my summer has been taken away from me. Having to focus on rehabilitation of my back.. fear of the tinglyness in my arm would never go away.. the obvious limp I had while walking. 

I'd be lying if I didn't say the mental toll started to kick in the few weeks of treatment.. feeling hopeless.. having to ask for help. I grew up just relying on myself a lot.. to feel helpless.. kind of .. broke my spirit. It felt hard to just be optimistic about things.. the things I normally did on a day to day basis I could no longer do without pain. 

I live with guilt too. 

Guilty that I am complaining.

Guilty that I have to ask for help. 

Guilty that I have I have to be taken away from work for rehab. 

Guilty that I feel so guilty when I need to be taking care of myself. 

I keep saying since the car accident I feel like I am starting at a zero. I'm naturally an active individual.. my life felt like it hit the brakes and it was telling me to slow down. My goals for lifting/running and my progress of getting mentally better just spiraled.

Ever since getting clinically diagnosed with depression and anxiety.. seeing my psychiatrist and therapist.. trying to piece my life to understand why I am who I am today.. 

-sigh-

The feeling of being overwhelmed with all the doctor appointments, talking to my attorneys and trying to manage my home/family/social life. 

I should feel lucky tho.. I have so much support and love in my life.. years ago I would've never imagined to be where I am today.. I am grateful.. and whatever the future holds... I'll still be ok because I know now I am not alone in this fight.  

Big life update I forgot to mention!!!
Calvin moved in 2 weeks ago.. we would only see each other on the weekends, staying from his place to my place.. his stuff is all officially moved in, drawers and room organized and he says he feels at home now. Seeing him every day and knowing I'll see him get off work to "our home" feels nice. 3 years into our relationship and this being the most healthiest relationship.. it feels crazy to think this is type of relationship I prayed for.. and as we keep moving on forward he's made so many of my prayers come true. *super cheese* 

I've had a week off of work (I'm calling it my "stay-cation") It's sad to see what is happening in Hong Kong right now.. it's crazy to think we were supposed to be there right now.. and now we don't even know if Calvin's parents can fly to the states in October to visit for his Dad's birthday.. 

Everything is supposed to happen for a reason right? 

I'm trying to stay as optimistic as possible.. kindness will go a long way.. so I can only hope for. 

-Lisa Marie Lim