Trying.

I am trying. 

I am trying to collect my thoughts.

I am trying to be "put together". 

I am trying to be the best version of myself that I can be. 

I keep going back and forth... 

I need to just stop.

I need to keep remembering that I am here, living.. for me. 

That at the end of the day I am in control of my own happiness. 

I am the one that has to live with my decisions, day by day. 

If I'm not happy, I have to change it.

People are entitled to their own opinions but don't let their opinions dictate how you live. You make your happiness.

-Lisa Marie Lim 

Getting better

Do you ever feel like you're doing everything you can to be the best version of yourself? To keep fighting to be that person.

Do you remember your lowest point in life and you just pray and hope to never have to meet that again?

-Lisa Marie Lim

(unfinished thoughts.. to still post)

Consistency

It's been a week since my last post, I've been wanting to be more consistent in my blogging but by the time I get home from work I'm far too tired to even collect my thoughts, seems like blogging at the end of the week is a good idea right? I can unwind and let go and re-evaluate my week. I'll get better at this.

I wish I could be one of those people that can just express themselves smoothly, I stumble over my words and take too long to think of anything remotely eloquent to say.. I'm getting better at speaking out loud but at the same time when I do speak out I wonder if it's better to keep my mouth shut. -sigh-

My thoughts are already becoming blurry and I want to fall asleep. 40+ hour work weeks are so tiring but at least I have the weekends off to recuperate. 

Tomorrow I have to wake up early to do a charity heart walk with my coworkers at the Seattle Space Needle. I always gotta be that person that volunteers and do things on the weekend when all I wanna do is sleep in. Better to get up and get out there right? Cant just hide away.

-Lisa Marie Lim

Helloooooo

Where do I even start?.. It's been at least 5 years since I've last blogged.. simply because I just stopped writing.. I stopped taking the time to pause from life and evaluate what is going on in my life. It's weird to think about it now that I'm 25, I remember in 7th grade wanting to become a journalist.. (update: I work as a Medical Assistant, I know right. Totally different career choice). It wasn't easy getting to where I am today. I kinda wish I did write about it because as I've rediscovered my old blogs and reading what the teenage version of me wrote, I grew up soo much. And I'm sorry to the younger version of myself because I'll admit that 3 years ago I had completely let myself down.. I felt like I was hitting rock bottom, I was really lost, really sad, and really broken all because I let so many toxic things break me. I stopped loving myself and stopped believing in myself.. I'll probably end up writing about significant events later on in another blog. Right now I just want to try to get used to writing my thoughts out.

Writing is therapeutic.

I'm hoping by doing this I am able to truly let go of what has really hurt me, what has made me so shielded. But most of all I want to share my story, whether any one reads this blog, or it's just way for me to give future me reading this some kind of hope..

Blogging has become my open diary, I don't want to filter what I say but at the same time I do because I'm scared of what other's will think or I don't want to feel ashamed of my past.. "my past has made me who I am". I'm not going to hide from it. Like I said earlier it's time for me to let go.. and really just live on. With the on going tragedies that are happening in this world, I owe it to myself to live with purpose.. purpose for each day.

-Lisa Marie Lim