I can feel myself caving back into a routine. I've made a bad habit of giving my energy into others, into my job but I wasn't giving myself the same type of energy. I wasn't filling into myself that life started to feel unfulfilling.
What do do next? Break out of the routine.
I had to step back and see where I was giving my energy, first step was my job. Working in healthcare through this pandemic.. healthcare doesn't stop.. The clinic site I was at was acquiring more physicians with no nurse/MA coverage. I was being spread thin .. so thin that I could feel myself slacking in my home life.. fights with Calvin from being frustrated from work. Was I actually mad about the trash not being taken out or was is it something else but it was easier to be mad about the trash? I moved to the smaller clinic site with more support.. that's what I needed more support and what a difference that made. The clinic was also closer to home making my 30+ minute to an hour commute home to 10 minutes. The time I had to use commuting I would be getting back.
You can't thrive in the wrong environment.
Speaking of thriving I started taking care of a spider plant in the beginning of the pandemic. I will include a picture below.
When the pandemic started Calvin and I were returning home from our Hong Kong / Thailand trip, we landed back home in Seattle and had to move out of the townhouse we were living at to a 1 bedroom apartment. We both only had experience with living with roommates so this was the first for the both of us to be living with only a significant other. We started to make the place a home until Calvin landed a job working from home, our 1 bedroom apartment was not only our home but now it turned it into Calvin's work place too.
Balance.
I will not lie, having your partner work from home while you get up every day to go outside to work while a pandemic is happening while you are dealing with having crippling anxiety about it, coming home to him still in work meetings, so you can't do any dishes or make any noise that may be heard in the mic. My OCD was making me crazy and I couldn't have my cleaning outlet.
I feel like my timeline is ..."before the pandemic" "when the pandemic started" "currently we are in a pandemic". When will there be an end to this? Life is no longer what we knew before, instead of dwelling we need to continue to adapt. Live with grace and be kind to others more than ever before. I've been diligently working on my digital planners and journals that I can't wait to start sharing on this blog and also on my new instagram page. I grew up with social media and it hasn't been the nicest platform to use but I will no longer let my fear of judgement stop me from posting anymore because I know if I can inspire one person.. it matters. We all matter.
~*`*Lisa*`*~
