Dazed / Alert

Day 3 Antidepressant / Day 2 Anti-Anxiety

Last night I had a hard time staying asleep. I feel asleep pretty quickly but I still found myself tossing and turning.. I wish my mind wasn't always racing. I got 6 hours of sleep again.

I drove to work feeling like a daze. It took a few hours to kind of snap out of it, or maybe my coffee finally just kicked in? I worked out during lunch, (I haven't worked out all week so that felt nice.)

I talked to my coworker about how I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I felt like I only had anxiety. It was weird to say it out loud but it's not know I have people around me that I can talk to. I just realized it's mental health awareness month.. I wish I had known that taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Physically I feel good, I can feel that what I'm doing is helping, I saw the numbers from my bloodwork and I am healthy on paper, I am "healthy" on my outer appearance.. but mentally, inside, I am falling apart and just trying to hold it all together.

I'm a composed individual. I've learned to keep it together for the other people around me.That wasn't a good idea because now it's just slowly eating away.

It's going to be okay. It's going to take time. I am going to get to the point where I will overcome all of this. I will understand this pain that I have and ya know what, the pain will surface but not like how it is now.

I have control and I know I've made it on the right path. I'm still learning to have the right people by my side. Once again, I am so grateful for my family.

*So much more I want to say but tomorrow's another blog.. I will see Calvin for the first time since my diagnosis.. and I know he was scared of me "changing" from going on medication.. and I told him I am being opened to this, I truly feel like I've tried EVERYTHING I can with out feeling completely helpless. I know I can't fight this alone.. I need his support as my partner.. his support its not all on him, I'm going to put up the fight to be better, not only for him but everyone else in my life too.

-Lisa Marie Lim